New York Subway Guide: How to Ruin Everyone’s Train Ride Real Good

What does a Dutch girl know about the New York Subway system, right? Well, let me tell you. Amsterdam has a metrosystem too. And I can assure you, people (tourists, I’m talking tourists) are just as annoying here, as they are in New York. That being said, means I am an expert too, so if you want to anger the native New Yorkers while you’re in the city, then this is the way to go.

Behavioral tips
  • Lose your metrocard and search for it in front of  check-in // The folks behind you are happy to rest their legs for a bit. Plus, the train they just missed was full anyway.
  • Eat (or carry) smelly foods // There can’t be enough odors at once in a metro cart.
  • Knock your subway opponents down with your giant backpack // They will love that little game.
  • Neglect the principle of personal space // I mean, breathe down that neck of the old man in front of you real good.
  • Have superloud convo’s // Yell on the phone and everyone around you will love.

The New York Baby - Subway 03


  • Barge into the train, while everyone’s trying to make their way out // Because you’re way more in a hurry than they are.
  • Whip your hair back and forth // In general, people like strands of hair caressing their naked arms, or even better, face.
  • Act like a statue once you’ve walked down the stairs // Really, there’s no need for other travelers to stand on the platform and wait for their train as well.

The New York Baby - Subway


  • Block the doors because otherwise your drunk friend doesn’t get in // Everyone will get it and whisper sweet nothings in you ear while you do it.
  • Hold still on the left side of the escalators // People in a hurry love a little bit of zigzagging.
  • Play music on your ghetto-blaster // People don’t have headaches from their long day at work at all. A bit of Lil’ Wayne will enlighten their trainride, really.
  • Seat your bag well // It’s really important that your backpacks ass stays safe and warm.

The New York Baby - Subway 02














  • Sit on two or more seats // Because not only your backpacks ass deserves the best.
  • Be a teenager // Your screamy voice will move every travelers heart.
  • Or do as Willy on F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and go around licking peoples necks // Honor Willy and evoke a Chandler.

The New York Baby - Friends Someone on the Subway Licked My Neck Licked My Neck







Subway Weirdo’s

Take an example of these heroes. They really know their etiquette.

  • Subway Weirdo #1 // Moving your apartment is supernormal.

The New York Baby - Man Moves Apartment in Subway





  • Subway Weirdo #2 // Save some time and take your personal hygiene regimes to the subway.
  • Subway Weirdo #3 // Pull a Willy on your own shoe.
  • Subway Weirdo #4 // Why wait to work out ’till you’re home when you can do it in a subway cart.


Travel Squire // Gawker // Village Voice // Time Out


1 Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>