What does a Dutch girl know about the New York Subway system, right? Well, let me tell you. Amsterdam has a metrosystem too. And I can assure you, people (tourists, I’m talking tourists) are just as annoying here, as they are in New York. That being said, means I am an expert too, so if you want to anger the native New Yorkers while you’re in the city, then this is the way to go.
- Lose your metrocard and search for it in front of check-in // The folks behind you are happy to rest their legs for a bit. Plus, the train they just missed was full anyway.
- Eat (or carry) smelly foods // There can’t be enough odors at once in a metro cart.
- Knock your subway opponents down with your giant backpack // They will love that little game.
- Neglect the principle of personal space // I mean, breathe down that neck of the old man in front of you real good.
- Have superloud convo’s // Yell on the phone and everyone around you will love.
- Barge into the train, while everyone’s trying to make their way out // Because you’re way more in a hurry than they are.
- Whip your hair back and forth // In general, people like strands of hair caressing their naked arms, or even better, face.
- Act like a statue once you’ve walked down the stairs // Really, there’s no need for other travelers to stand on the platform and wait for their train as well.
- Block the doors because otherwise your drunk friend doesn’t get in // Everyone will get it and whisper sweet nothings in you ear while you do it.
- Hold still on the left side of the escalators // People in a hurry love a little bit of zigzagging.
- Play music on your ghetto-blaster // People don’t have headaches from their long day at work at all. A bit of Lil’ Wayne will enlighten their trainride, really.
- Seat your bag well // It’s really important that your backpacks ass stays safe and warm.
- Sit on two or more seats // Because not only your backpacks ass deserves the best.
- Be a teenager // Your screamy voice will move every travelers heart.
- Or do as Willy on F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and go around licking peoples necks // Honor Willy and evoke a Chandler.
Take an example of these heroes. They really know their etiquette.
- Subway Weirdo #1 // Moving your apartment is supernormal.
- Subway Weirdo #2 // Save some time and take your personal hygiene regimes to the subway.
- Subway Weirdo #3 // Pull a Willy on your own shoe.
- Subway Weirdo #4 // Why wait to work out ’till you’re home when you can do it in a subway cart.