How to Annoy the Sh*t Out of Locals as a New York Tourist

Hello to you this fine International Tourism Day. As you may know, tourists are the kind of tribe which is not necessarily very appreciated. The phenomenon is one of a pretty hypocritical nature, since we’ve all enjoyed being a tourist once upon a time in our lives, but we might loath that kind of species even more. But, ladies and gents, today is the day of the tourist. So, let’s celebrate the concept of traveling and let the tourist be the goddamn tourist for once (at the same time you might just want to be a decent human being and pick up some of the underlying theme of the following riddle, which states exactly the opposite). What better way to do that then to zoom in on this very specific breed of traveler: the New York tourist.

How to Behave as a New York Tourist
  • Hold hands with your lover on a narrow sidewalk …

… and everyone will just think of how cute of a couple you are. No one will despise you and it is very likely you will be applauded on, whilst acting out the totally non-disturbing act of love.

  • Neglect the concept of personal space …

… because if there is one thing New Yorkers love, it must be the unexpected, affectionate stroke of the total stranger standing next to him in line at a Starbucks.

  • Make the subway entrance your favorite hang out spot …

… since it IS very cozy there. It’s not cold or windy at all and everyone trying to pass you will wait patiently to do so.

  • Keep staring at that Christian Bale look-a-like …

… because that’s a totally normal thing to do. The person you’re staring at will most likely be positively surprised and come up to you to ask if you’d like to be in a picture with him. No doubt!

Urban Seahorse - New York Tourist Christian Bale

  • Use the subway chair next to you as a side table …

… since there really is no other place to stuff your stuff. Your lap area has to breathe and holding bags in your hands is just so tiring. Everyone in the right mind will understand that. So absolutely no worries!

  • Cover up the whole sidewalk as you stroll forward slowly …

… because why hurry on this beautiful day? All the working people will be nothing but understanding. They’ll just tell their boss there was a wandering tourist on the loose and they will not get fired for sure.

  • Don’t think of your order before you get in line …

… because the Shake Shack employee will have all the patience in the world. People in New York are just so nice. Even the person behind you will softly whisper to you that you should take all the time you need.

Urban Seahorse - New York Tourist

  • Start searching for your Metro Card once you’re in front of the turnstile …

… people won’t mind that kind of loiter at all. Really, no one cares about missing their train these days anymore!

  • Carry around a huge backpack all the time …

… if anything, people will be curious about what’s inside of this imposing bag. They might even start to ask you interesting questions about it. What? You were worried about people being bothered by your fine piece of extravagant luggage? Don’t be! New Yorkers love that shit.

  • Change direction when no-one expects it …

… because who doesn’t love a splash of vanilla latte all over their white and ironed working clothes?

Extra Tips for the New York Tourist

Now reverse please change all the positive vibes in this article into negative ones, and you have your guide to being a perfect New York Tourist! Or just ignore this sentence and have fun being slapped in the face, my friend!

Book shopping on this matter: NYC Basic Tips and Etiquette by Nathan W. Pyle. Pyle provides us with some practical tips on New York Etiquette through his lively illustrations. Very convenient for the New York tourist. Very hilarious for the New York local.

Need more info on New York etiquette? Click!

Sources: 12HRS

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